Pim and Charlie have just finished watching Bimblar Unleased, both having opposite views on the film, when Charlie suggests they visit Salty’s – a notorious fast food place – for something to eat. When they walk in, they find the place rundown and are greeted by a pre-recorded intro from manager Simon S. Salty, who encourages customers to try his new healthy menu, which he presumably introduced due to his previous menu being deemed unsafe. FDA and resulted in several deaths. Charlie says that he hates how fast food restaurants try to make their menus healthier – ever since the century egg was removed from Salty’s menu – and tries to order two Saltyburgers from one of Salty’s mascots; Mr. Ketchup. However, when it is revealed that the hamburger has been removed from the menu, Charlie tries to talk to Salty himself, against Ketchup’s protests, only to find that he has been murdered. Pim calls the police, but the police department reveals that they are now outsourcing a private investigation due to police funding. Coincidentally, Charlie gets a call from their boss on vacation who asks him to investigate Simon’s murder. Charlie locks the door to prevent Mr. Ketchup and the other mascots from leaving as he and Pim begin questioning them.
Pim interrogates Mr. Ketchup, who has the clearest motive since he and Simon were arguing about the healthy menu and how it would affect the restaurant. Charlie interrogates Salty and Pepper, who spent the day filling the soda machine with Salty’s homemade soda and doing it, Pim then interrogates Crazy Cup, who spent the day scrubbing the smudges from his costume caused by his drug addiction. Mustard is further questioned by Charlie, who ruins her perfect alibi by admitting that she and Salty had an extramarital affair before she unsuccessfully tried to hook up with Charlie.
Pim and Charlie then try to hear the funny twins, but due to the language barrier, they barely have a clue what they are saying. One of the twins then spits on Pim, who develops a rash and he tries to find a lotion on her before running into the entrance to the secret room. There, he discovers a tethered mascot for the canceled century egg, who reveals that all of their retired food mascots end up in a similar position, and that he has set up a surveillance network in Salty’s office to keep him under control. Before he passes, he asks the two to bury him in his hometown of Shangbai Pine Forest, to which Charlie seemingly sarcastically agrees.
While rewinding the footage, Pim and Charlie find the ketchup stabbing Simon, who admits he did it because he didn’t want the healthy menu to ruin Salty’s business. He tries to get Charlie to sympathize, but Charlie doesn’t agree with how far the ketchup has gone. Pim then reveals that there is more footage, reveals that Salt and Pepper killed him for telling them they were messing around, and then rewinds to reveal that each mascot played a role in his murder. The first killer is assumed to be Mustard, however Grease – another mascot and the only innocent – reveals that there is even more footage showing Salty dying from eating one of his own burgers. The mascots then celebrate their innocence with a killing spree.
The post-credits scene shows that Charlie has indeed granted the Century Egg’s wish, taking Pim, Alan and Glep with him. Charlie then comments that the Century Egg would probably taste even better now, to which Pim says he’s never tried one. Charlie then starts digging the Century Egg out of his grave for Pim to eat.
Smiling Friends Season 1 Episode 5 Transcript
[play intro]
[The episode opens in a movie theater known as the Meep Cinema, where Pim, Charlie, and several people are exiting after watching a movie known as Bimblar Unleashed.]
Pim: Oh, that movie was epic! What do you think, Charlie?
Charlie: [Takes a drink.] I don’t know, man. To be honest, I didn’t really enjoy it.
Pim: What, really?
Charlie: Yeah. Okay, okay, look, to be completely fair, I really enjoyed the scene where Bimblar went rogue. And he hit the woman in the head with a hammer. I thought it was artistic and kind of tastefully done. I thought it was a well done sequence.
Pim: That’s funny. That was the part I really didn’t like. It was too violent.
Charlie: I think it’s just because he was a leech. Hey, by the way, do you want to get some food?
Pim: Yeah, I could eat.
[Scene switches to some buildings, deli, wine + liquor, Pizza Palace, Salty’s, and another restaurant known as Le Fingered Frog.]
[Sounds and barking of dogs are heard in the background.]
Charlie: [Slaps his lips.] Oh, man, I could really have a Salty’s right now.
Pim: Isn’t it like cheap fast food or something? What?
Charlie: You’ve really never been to Salty’s? Dude, you’re going to love this place. I’ve been coming here since I was a homunculus.
[Dogs barking and police/police car sirens can be heard in the background.]
[Pim and Charlie go to a fast food place as the screen pans to Salty’s logo.]
[Pim and Charlie walk into Salty’s. A sizzling rat appeared in the restaurant, then ran away when they saw the interior of the restaurant.]
Pim: Charlie, this place doesn’t look very clean. There is grease all over the floor.
Charlie: Oh, that’s just part of the magic, man.
[Pim and Charlie are standing in the restaurant watching TV to hear Salty’s voice.]
Simon S. Salty: Welcome to Salty’s!
[A live-action man known as Simon S. Salty appears on said television.]
Simon S. Salty: I’m Simon S. Salty [Scene cuts to Pim and Charlie.] and I built this restaurant. With your own hands! And along with my funny mascot friends. [The footage shows Salty with his fast food mascots.] We work hard to bring you the highest quality – to give you that quality Salty experience. Unfortunately, the United States FDA- [mockery] The FDA- [Scene shows pictures of the United States FDA at Salty’s.] It considers my food unsafe- Oh, my food- It has been linked to 15 deaths in the last four months alone. Although I am introducing some new and improved menu items! Come on, I’m Italian. You can try my new cucumber deluxe, The super green bowl, and my personal favorite, Salty’s Sourdough Bread Bust. Some come to Salty’s. And get your new and improved menu items todayyyy!
[The scene switches back to Pim and Charlie.]
Charlie: Ugh, I hate it when fast food restaurants do this healthy food shit. First they took down the century egg and now this. Great.
Pim: [Turns his head to Charlie.] What’s a century egg?
Charlie: [Turns his head to Pim.] Oh, it’s like a Chinese egg. That you bury the dirt and dig it out. And you eat it after 100 days. Um, I actually thought it was pretty good. I liked it. I happen to like it.
Pim: I actually think the deluxe cucumber looks wonderful.
Charlie: No, no, no, no, Pim. You have to have a salty burger.
[Pim and Charlie head to the restaurant counter to the bell and cash register. He rings the bell.]
[Bell rings]
[Charlie rings the bell some more.]
[Ketchup arrives and runs out of the pantry to jump onto the restaurant table.]
Ketchup: Sorry, I didn’t realize we had customers. what can i get you
Charlie: Yeah, I’ll get two salty hamburgers, thanks.
Ketchup: Ah, sorry, unfortunately, as of today, we no longer sell the salty delight. [The scene cuts to the menu for the Salty Sourdough Bread Bust.] But I can get you a Salty Sourdough Bread Bust.
Charlie: What? Come on, you can’t get rid of salty pleasure. Let me talk to Salty.
[Ketchup goes to the floor.]
Ketchup: Oh, Salty is actually having his iconic 7 p.m. Nap.
Charlie: No, I think I’ll talk to him.
[Pim and Charlie go to Salty’s room. The first opens the door to see Salty’s dead body on the couch, stabbed.]
Pim: Oh my god!
Charlie: Shit!
[Ketchup runs into the room, passing Pim and Charlie to see Salty’s body.]
Ketchup: S-salty was m-murdered!
[Pim pulls out his cell phone to call 911.]
Police Officer: 9-1-1, what’s your emergency number?
Pim: Yeah, I’m at Salty’s restaurant on the food boulevard. Simon S. Salty has been murdered!
[The scene switches to a police station where a creature in police clothing is on the phone while a naked creature is locked in a jail cell. This creature also makes sounds.]
Cop: Uh, yeah, after some recent budget cuts. We are no longer in charge of murder mysteries. Now another team is handling it. They’ll be on their way in a moment.
Pim: Oh, okay. Thank you.
[Pim puts his cell phone in his pocket.]
[Charlie’s cell phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls out his cell phone, presses the receive button, and makes a call.]
Charlie: Hello?
[The boss is shown on vacation while the woman massages him.]
The Boss: Hey Charlie, the owner of the famous Salty’s restaurant has just been brutally murdered and I need you and Pim to figure out who did it. Thanks, bye.
[Charlie puts his cell phone back in his pocket.]
Charlie: Uhh. Uh Looks like we’re technically in charge.
Pim: I guess that means we’re detectives now, Charlie.
[Pim pulls out a large magnifying glass.]
Charlie: Did you really take that with you to the movies?
Pim: Hmm, first, how many exits does this place have, Ketchup?
Ketchup: Front entrance only.
Charlie: That means the killer is still here at the restaurant.
Pim: Ketchup, who else was in the restaurant when we walked in?
Ketchup: Just me, you and all the other mascots.
Pim: What other mascots?
[The scene switches to the exterior of Salty’s restaurant as thunder rumbles.]
[Scene cuts to restaurant interior with Charlie, Pim and ketchup.]
Ketchup: Okay, so we have mustard, salt, pepper, Crazy Cup, The Fun Twins, and me, ketchup, hee-hee. I think that’s everyone.
[The scene cuts to Pim and Charlie staring at the greasy puddle with their eyes and mouths in the corner.]
Grease: And don’t forget me, Grease? I could have done it.
Charlie: Um…okay, well, did you?
Grease: Well, no, but I totally could.
Charlie: Cool, anyway. [Looks at the mascots.] As I love you all epic mascots. Someone here must have murdered Simon S. Salty.
Pim: We should go around, get everyone’s opinion on the story and then just see what stands out.
[Charlie locks the door with the key.]
Charlie: [Stares into camera.] And none of you are leaving until we get this sorted!
[thunder claps]
Crazy Cup: You didn’t need to raise your voice, man.
[Pim pushes his chair over while in Salty’s ketchup room.]
Pim: Okay, ketchup. How was your relationship with Salty?
Ketchup: Well, lately. [The scene shows a flashback sequence with Salty and Ketchup arguing.] We were arguing about the new healthy menu. I just knew it would cause problems for the restaurant.
Pim: [Uses a magnifying glass to look at Salty’s body.] Hmm. Looks like you were pretty upset with Salty.
Ketchup: Yes, but I would never stab a friend in the back. [ketchup cries] He was my goddamn godfather to my kids. [Ketchup is still screaming ketchup from his tears.]
[Pim goes into the ketchup.]
Pim: Don’t cry, Mr. Ketchup. We will solve this mystery soon.
Ketchup: Thank you, Pim.
[Charlie turns on the lamp to illuminate the supply room. Salt and pepper can be seen on the bucket.]
Charlie: Okay, I’m not messing around here. Are you two going to kill Salty or what?
Salt: No, never. We spent the whole day draining the rotten soda out of the machine using our soda drainer. And fill it with fresh soapy soda.
Pepper: Yes, it’s true. Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Charlie: Did you spend all day doing that?
Pepper: Well, not all day. We had a little break to have a little kiss in the closet.
[Salt and pepper kiss.]
[They start giggling and then kiss again.]
Charlie: Okay. Noted. By the way, that’s downright beautiful.
[Salt and Pepper continue kissing.]
[The scene cuts to Pim having a conversation with Crazy Cup in the bathroom.]
Crazy Cup: Look, I couldn’t kill Salty. [The scene switches to a flashback of Crazy Cup cleaning a stain from a costume.] I’ve been cleaning a stain from a costume all day.
Pim: Hmm. Stain of what?
Crazy Cup: My own doo-doo poop, okay? FYI, I happen to have a serious drug problem that causes me to spray my ass in my costume. And worst of all, this thing takes 20 minutes to take off.
Pim: Oh, fair enough. I am sincerely sorry. That sounds terrible.
Crazy Cup: Yeah. no dripping.
[Another scene shows Charlie and Mustard together in the freezer.]
Mustard: I wish I could help, but I’ve been here all day doing a routine inventory check.
Charlie: Well, yes, that’s actually true.
Mustard: [slams Charlie’s notepad on the ground] Oh, okay, okay! You have put enough pressure on me and I have to admit it! [A flashback is shown of Mustard smoking Salty, covered in bush leaves.] Yes, Salty and I had a steamy affair. what with this? The last time I saw him, I was parting ways with him in his office as he settled down to take his iconic 7 p.m. Nap. I just couldn’t take it anymore. He was suffocating me too much.
Charlie: Okay, that’s the bomb. Could you elaborate a bit more?
Mustard: I would never do anything to hurt him when it comes to this. Oh, murder is a terrible thing. Just thinking about it makes me so frivolous! Ohhh!
[Mustard passes out. Charlie holds her.]
Mustard: Can’t a poor mustard like me have a little fun sometimes?
Charlie: Yeah, everybody likes to have fun.
Mustard: Do you like to have fun too?
Charlie: I mean, you know, are you asking about me? I mean, yes, I like to have fun. Yeah.
Mustard: Oh yeah?
Charlie: I already said yes.
Pim: [Walks into the freezer with a notepad and pencil.] Okay, Charlie, are you here yet? I think we only have one last interview left?
Charlie: Yeah, yeah. This is where we all ended up.
[Pim and Charlie come out of the freezer.]
[Pim and Charlie are seen in the playground room, where the chirping Fun Twinz are seen playing in the climbing frame.]
Pim: Uh, we can hang out in the jungle gym after you tell me what you two were doing at the time of the murder.
[The scene cuts to The Fun Twinz crashing into the planet and stabbing the inhabitants. The Fun Twiz are even pulled into the portal.]
[The scene switches back to reality.]
Pim: Well, that’s a nice story and all, but it doesn’t really answer my question.
Charlie: Pim, how did you understand any of that?
[The blue funny twin spits a substance on Pim’s arm.]
Pim: What? Oh!
[The Fun Twiz continues to chatter.]
[Charlie pins a picture of the Fun Twins to Salty’s mascot billboard.]
Charlie: That’s hard. I really feel like any of these rotten mascots could have done it. What do you think Pim?
[Pim walks around with a rash on his arm.]
Pim: I-I don’t know. Sorry, I can’t even think straight right now. My arms are burning so much from what the Fun Twinz spat at me.
Charlie: Oh, it’s just a bit of playful drool, Pim. Just having fun.
Pim: Aah, Salty must have some ointment cream [Opens table to look around.] around here.
Charlie: It seemed weird that Mustard was having an affair with Salty, but that cup thing has bad energy in it, man. [Pim finds and opens the cellar door.] Just a bad mood.
Pim: Wait a minute. What kind of room is this?
[Pim and Charlie look at the entrance to the secret room.]
[They look at each other.]
Charlie and Pim: S-S Secret Room!
[Pim and Charlie go up the stairs to the cellar. Pim also uses his cellphone as a flashlight.]
[The two notice the chained and severed Century Egg mascot.]
Pim and Charlie: Oh!
Century Egg: Greetings.
Charlie: Wait, you’re the egg of the century. They took you off the menu, didn’t they?
Century Egg: Yes, I was excellent, but the public wasn’t ready for it, so I sold terribly and Salty took me off his damn menu and locked me down here. And now you know my great fucking [bleep] story.
Charlie: That’s pretty cool.
Century Egg: Thank you.
Pim: Well, look, Salty was murdered and we’re trying to find out who did it.
Century Egg: I knew this day would come. He’s made a lot of hostile mascots over the years. A terrible shame.
Charlie: Do you have any information that could help us? Mr. Egg?
Century Egg: Ah, yes, well, funny as you say. I happen to be filming everything that happens in Salty’s office on my secret security camera. But you wouldn’t be interested in anything like that.
Pim: No, no, no, we sure are.
Charlie: Are you serious?
Century Egg: Oh! Bleh. I feel the cold hand of death take me away. You can have my tape on the condition that you bury me in the beautiful Xiang Pine Forest of China, my hometown.
Charlie: Yeah, we’re definitely going to China to bury you, man.
Century Egg: Very good. It’s in that drawer over there.
[The Century Egg coughs and moans]
Pim: Thank you, Egg.
[Pim kisses the Century Egg with spit coming out of his mouth.]
[Charlie walks over to the desk and looks in the drawer.]
Century Egg: Oh, no, no, no. He didn’t. Another drawer.
Charlie: Oh. I am sorry.
[Charlie pulls a security camera tape out of the drawer.]
The scene cuts to Pim and Charlie next to the door of the restaurant with security tape.]
Pim: [Goes through the DVD player on the TV.] Listen, everyone. We have it all here on tape. Now we can see for ourselves what actually happened.
